Becoming Friends

Just in the past few days, God's been revealing to me how He wants to be known as a friend.

I've heard the phrase "Seek God's face, not His hands" before, and found it compelling. I was moved to ask God for less stuff and spend time thanking Him for what I have and praising Him for who He is and what He has done. But, I read the devotional for today on Joyce Meyer's website and was struck by this:

It takes most of us a long time before we finally learn that what we need is not what God can give us, but God Himself.

I'm reading one of Joyce's books about prayer, and the same point is emphasized: we need God - communion with Him, relationship with Him, knowledge of Him and being known by Him. And I was talking with a friend today who brought up the same thing - what brings us true joy is God Himself, not what He does. She pointed out that tons of people in the Old Testament were filled with joy just from God...before Jesus even died for them. Jesus' death grants us freedom to commune with God and it glorifies God - but still, it's all about God.

And so, there is something about the very nature of God that I'm meant to know and discover. God's teaching me how to be with Him in prayer - to just talk to Him and listen to Him as my friend. I'm a listener and a thinker... I love processing and introspection(hello, blog)and I love to listen to my friends. Bringing God into my processing and taking the time to listen to God I think fosters authentic friendship with Him. And God revealed to me that listening to Him means being in His word (Romans 10:17) and hearing Him speak through others.

I think friendship with God is supposed to be effortless - not burdensome or scary or complicated. I have a few amazing best friends that are easy to be around and talk to - and God desires that same relationship with me, only deeper and more secure. Wow...

Childlike faith

I've been thinking about faith and trust lately, especially this idea of having a childlike faith. Jesus was all about the kids - He said to let the children come to Him and to not let anybody discount you because you're young. He worked through and in kids all the time and still does.
Faith, even tiny faith, is the stuff that changes the scenery and moves circumstances and achieves breakthrough. Even us clumsy adults can accomplish lots in the kingdom of God with faith. But it's the kids that we're supposed to aspire to be like because they have great faith.
When I was littler, I didn't question so many things or doubt myself so much. I wasn't yet tainted by experiences that caused me to distrust people or even God. I just believed in goodness; I believed God was who he says He is and can do what He says He will do and has my best on His heart.
Now it's a lot muddier and a lot harder to believe all of those things. I'm more jaded by the world and have been hurt and pained and it's hard to push past all of that and still believe the same things about God and life and people as purely as I did before. As simply as I did before. I don't want to hurt more, so it's so much easier to put up this uncertain, wary barrier around my heart and eyes and mind as I look out on the world, build relationships, try to move mountains for Jesus.
But God's calling me back to that untainted place of pure trust and belief in His nature and power. It feels more risky now...but I'm trying to get outside of myself and believe that God, who is Bigger, knows all that He's asking when He requires a childlike faith. Teach me, Lord, to have childlike faith again.

Talk Radio

I very recently discovered talk radio. I've been listening to NPR, abc news, Dave Ramsey, and this great Christian guy that comes on named Albert Mohler.

Talk radio makes me feel good for choosing self-education over repetitive pop songs. You know those intellectuals that seem to breathe knowledge and were probably born that way? I'm wondering if maybe they weren't. Maybe the smart people just chose one day to use their time a little better by switching from the "boys trying to touch my junk" song (reference the so obnoxious but catchy song "Tik Tok" by Kesha) to the just as accessible information network on the AM waves.

Not that I don't get in "poppy" moods anymore - I like dancing and singing and having fun. But, I'm realizing that I have the power to educate myself through small choices. So, I'm pretty into talk radio.

Relishing Now and Waiting on Then

I think one of my biggest struggles is learning to be where I am. I am an anticipator and I love looking forward to the Next Big Thing. But I am realizing that my Forward Thinking eyes are pretty traitorous. There is so much that I want to do and am starting to plan for, but I have to remind myself that I am still here (in this place and in this season). And if I pause and enjoy Now, I think there is a lot of beauty and joy to be found here. My anticipation of the future often brings discontentment in the present. How could I be happy with Now when I believe Then will be so much better?

The other issue is that when I'm keeping my eyes plastered on the future, I start to get anxious...because, inevitably, there are hordes of unanswered questions. And the anxiety makes me even more impatient and unhappy with where I'm at, because my Now becomes just a holding bay for Then, and Now seems kind of pointless and definitely not fun.

Alright, bear with me and my muddled vernacular. But don't you think that if I (if we?) keep on like this, that when we get to our Thens and our Thens become our Nows, we'll be just as dissatisfied? Because there will always be another Then to anticipate. So I am asking myself, what is the key to just being here in my present and enjoying my Now, while preparing for and joyously awaiting my Then?

As I've been reading the Word lately, a theme that's been coming up for me is Waiting on God. I think sometimes I lose my joy and peace and contentment because I run ahead instead of be with God here, now. Maybe I think that a circumstance or event or life change is what I really need and will fill me. But being with God is the only thing that fills me, and I need to get my satisfaction and joy from just being with Him wherever He is. And, you guessed it - He is here. Now. So...here is where I want to be too. And when God says move, we'll move together. And I'll be happy not because we're moving and not because we're getting closer to Then, but just because I'm with Him.

Hmm...teach me, Jesus, to wait and to be here, Now.

The Rules of the Road

Generally, I am an un-angry person. But lately I have found myself influenced by the culture of the road.

I never really understood road rage. I did not understand how a kind hearted person could transform into something so other just because they are enclosed in their personal space of tin (Or whatever metal it is they use...car savvy I am not). The Road transforms mothers, activists, Wal Mart cashiers, philanthropists, knitters, CEOs, teachers. It swallows the wisest of the wise and the calm and peaceful ones and spits them out as something unrecognizable.

And I am not exempt. One day I was driving to work and a car behind me got out of my lane, switched to the lane next to me (that was ending in about 500 feet, mind you), and tried to speed up and pass me before his lane ended. Incredulous at the audacity of this vehicle, I sped up in defiant refusal. You shall not pass!, my heart declared as I mumbled about how impatient this person must be. The car was forced to take his rightful place behind me after his lane ran out. I relished my victory for a few minutes, but then I was overcome with conviction.

I am constantly reminding myself that I do not know anybody else's story. My heart can be so quick to judge, but I do not know who these other drivers are or where they are going. I do not know why they drive with an urgency that would permit them to push their way in front of others or act discourteously. I do not know if patience is their weakness or if they were having a bad day. And even if I knew any of these things, I would still be in no place to judge. Christ's love compels me. One version of the Bible says that Christ's love has moved me to such extremes that it has the first and last word in everything that I do. So WHY in the WORLD am I moved by the Road?

I have come up with several theories:

1) "It's a car, not a person." I have also found myself conveniently forgetting that inside that inconsiderate little sports car that just cut me off in the fast lane only to slow down again, is a person. Maybe we are so quick to unleash our anger on the road because we forget that we aren't yelling at colorful four-wheeled machines, but a mom and a teacher and (gasp) a fellow Christian.

2) "It's my way or the highway." I have driven with plenty of drivers, and have learned that the common sentiment on the road is that you need to get yours and look out for yourself. Defensive Driving, they call it. As soon as we start up our cars, we throw selflessness out the window and enter Me zone.

3) "Anonymity rules." Most of the time, we can be a jerk and get away with it because we know we won't run into that person ever again and they don't know who we are anyways. But there should be consistency between who you are inside and who you portray to the world. That's why it's usually the secret sin that tears us up the most.

I still shake my head when people cut me off and secretly hope they see my disapproval in their rearview mirror. But change is slowly coming... I'm learning to be a rule breaker.